Friday, September 6, 2013

Originally posted 08-26-2013

Struggling to clean up my mess from before I became a mother after I've already gone and become a mother is no joke. Between preparing to take my drivers test, getting ready to become a functioning adult, and all the dirty diapers and late nights, it's not exactly my ideal situation. I knew there were gonna be some serious changes in my life once he was born, but I didn't know how serious they really were. Just about everyone I knew was telling me "I don't think you understand how different your life will be." and of course they were all right.

But who really knows what they're getting into when they become parents.

Simple answer; no one.

Yeah, no one knows. even the people who spend years and years trying to get pregnant. You know the ones, they read every book that they possibly can about parenting, the ones that think they know everything. and yeah, for about the first year things are pretty predictable. Sorta, there are dangers involved but the chances of the baby getting up and running off to get in trouble are much less when they have no idea how to walk.

I get on this subject because I was sort of one of those unpredictable kids. I think my parents always thought that I was getting into trouble because they were always too busy focusing on what could possibly go wrong, than to actually take the time to sit down and really really get to know me. they treated me as though I was already doing awful terrible things, so that when I did start getting into trouble it was so so much worse on the punishment side of it, because they were so on edge just waiting for me to mess up. I didn't do too much.

**Warning small rant approaching**

I didn't even do much. I skipped school, mostly because it was very hard on me and I didn't know how else to escape the emotional pain I got from going. Teachers never did anything, even when they were right there when it happened. so my escape was just not going. My dad especially never understood that, I think. I started smoking when I was 13. Okay that was stupid on my part. I don't even remember why I did it, I grew up with pretty much every adult around me smoking and I guess I wanted to be more "adult." When I was 14 I started smoking pot, didn't actually smoke it frequently until I was 16 then I had a serious scare (at 17) when (I suppose) It was laced with something and I ended up in the hospital. I smoked a couple times after that, but never as much, never as often, I'm not even sure I remember the last time I smoked. I definitely haven't smoked since I found out I was pregnant so almost a whole year now at the most.

I didn't start having sex and drinking until I was 17, but I was accused multiple times from the time I was 12 of having sex, and it was even thought at one point (by people other than myself) that I was pregnant. So I guess I kind of grew up thinking everything I did was wrong. because I was being punished severely for everything.

**Rant ends here**

Sorry I kid of wet off in a rant about my life, but my point is, just because you think you know everything about your child, and think that they are always getting into trouble, maybe rethink how you approach them. and pick and choose your battles, figure out if they're actually "bad kids" or if maybe they're just calling out for help, or they're just being kids. They do that you know.

Never forget what you thought, (or how you thought) when you were their age. It will help you get through a lot.

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